Love in a relationship and good intentions do not always guarantee a happy ending. Each of us struggles with our weaknesses, which are more or less tolerated by our partners. After all, it is not for nothing that it is said that there are no perfect people. Some try to deal with serious problems, their demons that push them into addiction, despite experiencing the love of a loved one.
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A relationship in which one person is addicted and the other tries to support them with varying degrees of success is not easy and in many cases requires real sacrifice. The relationship with an addicted person is specific. Problems with addiction come to the fore, and on the other hand, there is a time when things are better between partners and normal life continues, which neither of them wants to give up. However, in the case of addiction problems, it cannot be put together that everything will be fine and it will definitely work out somehow. You can try to help your partner without destroying the mutual relationship, but it is not easy. First of all, be aware of what can happen and how not to fall into codependency.
1. Reality cannot be distorted
The first step to making the necessary changes on your way to normalcy is to become aware of the problem. Admitting to yourself that, for example, drinking your partner is an addiction, and not just an occasional toast to pleasure, should make the problem less taboo. You cannot pretend to your loved ones that everything is fine when you really need support and help. Wise love for an addict requires a realistic approach to the situation.
2. You have the right to say “no” to fight for normality
Willing to help your partner doesn’t mean you have to agree to whatever he proposes or does. His illness should not make you change your own behavior, so as not to additionally irritate him or provoke him to e.g. leave the house. You don’t have to let your partner have access to your money when he has squandered his own. You don’t have to jump around him when on the next day, after a drunken night, help him get through a hangover. Remember that in many cases your “help” will be seen not as an act of mercy, but as a license to continue.
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3. You don’t have to bear the consequences for your partner’s decisions
Addicted people often have problems with keeping a job, financial liquidity or behaving towards relatives and friends. You are not responsible for the actions of an addicted partner, so you do not have to and cannot justify his absence from work, pay for a beer taken on the line or explain his behavior to his parents. Thus, instead of helping him, you create a comfortable situation that encourages him to become stuck in addiction.
4. Addiction changes a person
The same person, before falling into the addiction, during it and after curing it, changes and becomes a “different” person. Difficult, sad, and sometimes traumatic experiences change the psyche, and when substances that affect consciousness are involved, the changes in the addict’s brain can be more severe. You are changing as well, because all experiences will affect you.
5. You shouldn’t be blaming yourself
It’s good to be aware of where your problems arise. However, you cannot blame the falling into addiction in yourself, whether you are good enough or loving enough to your partner. Don’t blame the addict as it won’t help. Contrary to appearances, most addicts are ashamed of what is happening to them, but they cannot do anything about it themselves.
6. You need to take care of yourself
Since an addicted partner is most often unable to take care of your needs, you need to take care of yourself. Do it without remorse to have the strength to fight the everyday life and to help your partner. Living with an addicted person is very stressful, which also affects the well-being and health.
